upward

i do a lot of leaving when I'm lonely
drifting from place to place in an attempt to leave before i've created a new location to associate with loneliness: like some stench or virus that follows you and infects a room, driving you out before you've stayed long enough to let it weaken you

i left a lot of places this week
last of all, Anywhere Town, Northern Ohio

I drove "home" with a backpack and a pumpkin in my passenger seat
and the window down so I could let my hand swim in the rush of air

gold and blue
eyes on the upward and the inward for once

for a second
i enjoyed being alone
and smiled to myself at the words
"adventures in solitude"

a real smile too...not the cynical kind that comes in darker times
the smile of a girl who amuses herself
and admits she's found something she likes in her own company

for a moment
and perhaps a moment more