yellow dress

I fell asleep
in my yellow dress
hours after choosing it
to impress
them


no quality of garments
could improve my rest
and my empty bed's a funny place
to invest
them

maybe just as stark
my other attempts
an empty hand's another funny place
to test them

even nights like this
the ones that left you carefree
laughing
even they exist
only in their brief
passing

the simple truth is this
very few have ever
done it
started out in bliss
to find the end is never
coming

CVP

Rock your heels on the edge of a step
Unhurried descent
Into the gap between
Soft and unthreatening like the blurred horizon of a grassy hill
All can remember the itch of grass on sandaled feet
But this is your stride
The choice of your feet stepping gently and unthinkingly into the itch of stalks and stems
Amidst the gap between…
The earth is packed hard
Others have gone ahead
But this is the scuff of your tread
And the dirt you scatter in your shuffling
Note the beetled air and the shades of brilliance caught in each minute’s blue
Twist your heels into the dirt to feel the grit of your new platform
An uneven sort of solid
formed
Rock your heels
Feel them, now that they’ve been set to motion
Dismantled from the perch
Atop the edge of a step
Into the gap between

colder

you know the brilliance of it
that sure footed fleeting that makes me want

to quit speaking

and your blaringly Hellenistic beauty
sharp jawed ferocities canvasing flawlessness
even your painted smiles makes me want

to ration my own

the wolves have shed the sheep's clothing
traded them for long
sleek
jackets and patterned leggings down to the
tall
leather
boot

the fangs are gone and the only threat
is the deep scar carved into the straightness of my posture
and the strong confidence in the way i held my neck

bones won't break though they will shiver
flesh in tact; though it will cool to a perplexed and fidgeting
disturbance
something turbid under stillness

something fierce and gruesome in the thick of the wild
about to blood-stain the pristine glitter of fresh snow
and spoil it with crimson beauty that far surpasses
the natural

you know the brilliance of it

everything that is out of reach and exquisite in its composure
blindingly unfamiliar like the brilliance of red
statuesque in its beauty

and far

far

colder than i can ever

hope
to be

confession

all cynicism aside

mine will be different
where the heels of hard-worn shoes have smoothed the grain of old wood
and birds lift tenderly from rafter to rafter as though they are nothing more than shadow and light

dust thick spaces
making air lucid and visible in beams of light
like lace and vellum parchment

and maybe i won't say
i
do
as others
do
but there will be thunder and anxiety held back in the slightest touch of my toes to the floor towards some stage-like corner
invisible pulpit
and the energy that shakes in my smile will say
"i give it up"
At last

and i will inhale deeply
the way i do when the air quenches some trembling joy between my ribs and lungs

spiritual

nothing less

only the miracle drug is worth
distracting
diverting
submitting
my wanderlust
wonderlust

lonely and aimless is not a good enough reason


yes i want it: that slow-motion dance in the dim of the morning
under the eyes of the Witness
but not the desperate way a runner wants a cool drink of water
i want it the way the painter
wants just the right shade of hue for the patient brush
or she won't put a single stroke upon the canvas


no one will fulfill my needs
there is One who already does that all too sufficiently
but someone
perhaps
one day
will fulfill my
beauty

i speak like some to and fro past has me world-wizened and cynical
laughing smugly at the dreams of young
but the truth under the bark

though i don't need it
or long for it

there's a young part of me
seeking

the miracle drug

playing marbles. ep. 1

the older i get, the more God seems to slowly take away the things I thought i needed
and gradually
gently
one "need" at a time
show me how to do without the things I once gave such importance

teach me His all-ness

example 1

i have absolutely no long-term plan
and...i can do without it

example 2

a nod of affirmation and approval
no need

example 3

clarity

valentines

savings

meat

health insurance


how great it could be to feel the truth
of what's always been true
that i need not a thing but Grace

all other things are
blessings
on top of
the blessing


of course...how fleeting is my ability to believe this
how blind am i

unplanting weeds

I should find you here
whispering in the layer behind what's audible
and glowing softly in the shades of gray of a shadowed white wall

I am made of such mortal stuff though
not divine enough to create discord with the thick,
opaque,
extent
of my humanness

so long is the row of weeds planted
and so far tossed the God-bit i was given

i cannot guess

when it will come back down

taize

worship in
the rhythm of word-ish sounds
partial understanding and
partial consciousness

the heat is low
the flame just twitching
far-fetched jest of some roaring blaze
some ancestral fire to mildly represent

some greatness, subdued

fingers lift from violin strings
tuneless hum of aluminum pulled taut
the sound of it conjures up an image
a feeling

the show's about to begin

something's about to start

a greatness is about to
be