playing marbles. ep. 1

the older i get, the more God seems to slowly take away the things I thought i needed
and gradually
gently
one "need" at a time
show me how to do without the things I once gave such importance

teach me His all-ness

example 1

i have absolutely no long-term plan
and...i can do without it

example 2

a nod of affirmation and approval
no need

example 3

clarity

valentines

savings

meat

health insurance


how great it could be to feel the truth
of what's always been true
that i need not a thing but Grace

all other things are
blessings
on top of
the blessing


of course...how fleeting is my ability to believe this
how blind am i

unplanting weeds

I should find you here
whispering in the layer behind what's audible
and glowing softly in the shades of gray of a shadowed white wall

I am made of such mortal stuff though
not divine enough to create discord with the thick,
opaque,
extent
of my humanness

so long is the row of weeds planted
and so far tossed the God-bit i was given

i cannot guess

when it will come back down

taize

worship in
the rhythm of word-ish sounds
partial understanding and
partial consciousness

the heat is low
the flame just twitching
far-fetched jest of some roaring blaze
some ancestral fire to mildly represent

some greatness, subdued

fingers lift from violin strings
tuneless hum of aluminum pulled taut
the sound of it conjures up an image
a feeling

the show's about to begin

something's about to start

a greatness is about to
be

talitha cumi

God, how do you see me,
your daughter.
Can i call myself that?
How do you see this fickle-hearted girl with no more direction than the falling shell of a leaf
Is there some bond or closeness that I can't access
because i have Grandmother Eve's curiosity?
her genes buried deep in my coding
do you know me with distance
across the table

or do you see from inside my very eye-lids,
knowing some strength of small fingers i haven't seen
and the weakness of high hopes
my daily defeats

do you see me from inside the most strictly closed chamber doors

sometimes i feel like i peer at you from outside the garden
trying to catch a glimpse through the flaming swords

but i think it is truer
that i am so known that i cannot close you out
you are so present
that i miss you
the way i miss the sky
forget to notice you
the way i forget how beautiful and strange
colors are
or the sound of my sister's voice
and the feel of bare feet on an earthy surface

like driving in a car
too deep in thought to remember conversation

or to realize that i've been silent

dove

Holy spirit
roaming dove
come and find a home in me
correct me, but in love

Holy Wisdom,
speaker in the street
come and set your roots in me
move my stumbling feet

human heart
cluttered room
open up your walls for them
the helper's coming soon

human head
dangerous space
open up your walls for them
they come with awesome grace

mortal daughter
roaming too
waters now draw back from land
dove rests, and so can you

foundless

a patterned cloth hangs overhead
broad-stitched little shapes
strung down in ruffled drapes
edges frayed; the corners soft
lash-like lines of green
making cuts less clean

you will never see it
gardened over folds
aging nails soon free it
from two fragile holds

paisley words all set in mud
patternless; out-dated
artfully out-stated
edges curved as fabric's flow
lines that twist and swivel
flowered patterns fiddle

you will never see it
gardened 'cross blank white
tiring lips soon free it
and then again, not quite

U2-Original of the Species

Baby slow down
The end is not as fun as the start
Please stay a child somewhere in your heart

I'll give you everything you want
Except the thing that you want
You are the first one of your kind

And you feel like no-one before
You steal right under my door
I kneel 'cause I want you some more
I want the lot of what you got
And I want nothing that you're not

Everywhere you go you shout it
You don't have to be shy about it

Some things you shouldn't get too good at
Like smiling, crying and celerity
Some people got way too much confidence baby..baby

I'll give you everything you want
Except the thing that you want
You are the first one of your kind

And you feel like no-one before
You steal right under my door
I kneel 'cause I want you some more
I want the lot of what you got
And I want nothing that you're not

Everywhere you go you shout it
You don't have to be shy about it, no....
Sugar come on, show your soul
You've been keeping your love under control

Everywhere you go you shout it
You don't have to be shy about it
Everywhere you go you shout goodbye
Oh my my

And you feel like no-one before
You steal right under my door
I kneel 'cause I want you some more
I want you some more, I want you some more...
Oh no.....

twas the night before tomorow

twas the night before tomorrow and in this small state
too much to 'goodbye' in either place
win win lose lose
freeze under soft snow
and let it sift down
to direct where you go
fall for a second,
lift just a bit
tilt in the air
in the sky God knit
boyant, His mercy
in your snow-like descent
and one day it will matter
which way that you went